AUDIO:
If you’ve ever watched any kind of romcom I’m sure you’ll be pretty familiar with the idea of finding “The One”…of finding your “soulmate.” Hollywood loves to sell us this idea that we’re all searching for the missing “other half of our soul”…the one we’re destined to be with and unless or until we manage to find our lost “soulmate” we will never be able to feel truly complete and truly happy.
But is this actually right? Is there really such a thing as a soulmate? On a planet of nearly eight billion people, do I need to scour the world to look for that one person who alone can complete me? What if I miss that train and miss them by just ten minutes? Will I be forever alone and incomplete as a result? What if the person I’m dating isn’t actually “the One”? Will my real soulmate pass me by and be lost forever as a result?
Well, whilst the idea of a “soulmate” can seem very appealing to our romantic sensibilities, it’s a concept that doesn’t have biblical origins and is actually extremely unhelpful.
The Myth
The Greek philosopher Plato wrote in The Symposium how all humans were once united with their ‘other half’, but in a fit of rage Zeus split them apart, leaving us destined to walk the earth in a desperate search for our lost soulmates. And so this Greek myth lives on as fairytales, love songs and Disney perpetuate the idea of “The One”.
Through our culture, it’s been drilled into our young minds that there’s one person out there, our perfect romantic match, who alone can fulfil our every emotional, intellectual and spiritual need. And so people who’ve accepted this “soulmates” mindset, are much more likely to have unrealistic expectations and view every difficulty or minor setback as a dealbreaker- perhaps this wasn’t their destined soulmate after all.
The Reality
The reality is however that since we’re all sinners, relationships will always need work and compromise, patience and forgiveness. We don’t need a crystal ball or a prophetic message in order to discover who might be “the One” – rather we just need to focus on loving and serving God faithfully and ask for wisdom to know if someone we’re considering marrying might be a godly person whom we could serve Him faithfully alongside.
In 1 Corinthians 7:39, when the apostle Paul addresses widows, he tells them that they can stay single, but if they want to marry then that’s fine, “She is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” There’s no need to ask for prophetic revelation – we just need to be wise in choosing someone who loves the Lord. Just as in Proverbs 31, we’re given guidance on what qualities of character to look for when looking for a wife – she’s to be kind to the needy, she’s to speak with wisdom and faithful instruction, she’s not to be idle, but be diligent in her care for others, she’s to be a woman who fears the Lord.
There’s no need to try and divine a destined marriage partner. We simply need to seek God first, serve Him faithfully, ask for wisdom and trust Him over all the plans for our lives.
Why our hearts long for “The One”
One college professor explains our society’s attraction to the soulmate myth in this way, “The soulmate myth promises fulfilment. It says that the isolation and loneliness that are so often part of the human experience are only temporary – that someday there will be a happily ever after in which we are united with The One who understands us at every level, protects us from harm and gives our life overwhelming significance.” [1]
But you see, the bible explains that we’re feeling incomplete not because we’ve been separated from some mythical half-human but because we’ve been separated from God because of our sin…. because of our rejection of God. That is the relationship that all of us, at the deepest level of our souls, are longing to have restored. To be reunited to the God who made us and loves us, but whom we’ve rejected because of our rebellion and sin.
God has “planted eternity in the human heart” (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and so we naturally have a yearning for the eternal. God is the One our hearts have been searching for, and heaven the destiny for which we long.
If we’re searching for the One who can complete us, then we need to realise that no human being here on earth can ever do that. God alone can fulfil the deepest desires of our hearts, and so, whether He chooses to bless us with singleness or a spouse, if we seek Him first we can trust in His good purposes for our lives and feel secure in His eternal plans for us.
[1] Bradley Onishi, associate professor of religion at Skidmore College (Why people still believe in the ‘soulmate myth’, BBC 14th February 2022)
