“My name is Charlie and I use he/they pronouns”
It is an increasingly common occurrence and expectation that during introductions, in social media bios or in email signatures that people state their preferred pronouns and expect other people to use the pronouns they have specified.
One website aimed at schools advised this:
“You can’t always know what someone’s gender pronouns are by looking at them. Asking about and correctly using someone’s gender pronouns is one of the most basic ways to show your respect for their identity. When someone is referred to with the wrong pronouns, they may feel disrespected, invalidated, dismissed, alienated, or dysphoric (or, often, all of the above).”
As Christians, how should we approach this? Should we specify our own pronouns? Should we agree to use the pronouns others specify?
The first thing we need to do is to understand the underlying principles behind this and that will help us as we consider what to do.
Gender identity is a relatively new and contested concept that is defined in a variety of ways:
“Gender identity is a way to describe a person’s innate sense of their own gender, whether male, female, or non-binary, which may not correspond to the sex registered at birth.” (NHS digital)
“gender identity ideology, the belief that a person can have a ‘gender’, whether male (or ‘man’), female (or ‘woman’), or ‘other’, that is different to their biological sex. This is a contested belief.” (DfE guidance for schools on gender questioning children.)
The belief, therefore, is that everyone has a gender identity which is based on how they feel rather than their biology and which may not correspond with how they look. Hence the perceived need to tell others their pronouns so that others know how they wish to be referred to. In some situations it may be expected that people state their pronouns when meeting for the first time or on forms or email signatures.
Colin Wright (a secular biologist) says:
“Pronoun rituals are extremely effective at normalizing and institutionalizing the abolition of biological sex in favor of gender identity. These rituals take advantage of people’s confusion and compassion to achieve compliance. But the time for politeness has long passed. The only proper response to the question “What are your pronouns?” is to reject the premise and refuse to answer.”[1]
So what should you do if asked to share your preferred pronouns? It is important to think through how you might handle this in advance given the fact that agreeing to share your pronouns indicates to others that you accept and agree with the concept of gender identity. Different people will respond in different ways – for example, some will just give their name and move on, and if challenged they might politely say “I don’t have any preferred pronouns thank you”. On forms you may only have a choice between stating your pronouns or “prefer not to say” and will have to decide which option you think is most appropriate.
What about using other people’s preferred pronouns? I think there are two important principles to keep in mind as we consider how to deal with individual situations.
- Speaking the truth. To use pronouns that are clearly at odds with someone’s biological sex would not be speaking the truth and would also involve colluding with someone who believes themselves to have changed gender (there may also be situations where someone’s biological sex is not clear). There is evidence that when a young person socially transitions (this includes changing name and pronouns) they are more likely to persist in that gender identity and go onto a medical/surgical pathway. So to go along with this may mean that you encourage them down a path of long-term harm.
- Showing love. Not colluding with a lie and not being willing to use someone’s chosen pronouns however doesn’t mean deliberately using pronouns that we know will upset them. Most of the time when speaking to a person we don’t need to use pronouns at all and so they can often be avoided completely. While it is important to stick to truth it is also very important not to get stuck on this issue and forget that there is a person who needs to be loved. (See this article on how best to support those who identify as transgender).
For further reading:-
People not Pronouns by Andrew Bunt
[1] https://www.realityslaststand.com/p/when-asked-what-are-your-pronouns