We live in a society where there is significant pressure to be in a relationship (and often the expectation is that this relationship will be sexual). How should we as Christians approach dating in a godly way? This is the first article in a series looking at this whole topic.
The purpose of dating
Wikipedia defines dating as: “a stage of romantic relationship in which two individuals engage in an activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each other’s suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship. It falls into the category of courtship consisting of social events carried out by the couple either alone or with others.”
Sometimes we use the term ‘going out’ rather than dating and in the past it was often referred to as ‘courtship’ (although you might feel that sounds a rather old-fashioned term). In some cultures today and in our culture in the past, courtship would only take place with a chaperone (think Jane Austen novels) – a man and woman would not really spend time alone until married and it was very clear from the beginning that the intention was to consider marriage.
Often in our society, however, dating or going out is not considered in this way at all. Teenagers (and adults) have a boyfriend or a girlfriend with no thought or intention of it being a long-term commitment. Rather than seeing dating as a form of courtship (with a view to getting married potentially), increasing people regard “dating” merely as a means to have someone around to have fun with (“recreational dating”) often connecting through dating apps and sometimes going on dates with many different people.
When to date
You may feel under pressure from friends or from social media to have a boyfriend or girlfriend but it is important to consider carefully when it is sensible to start dating. The articles over the next few weeks will look at some of the things that you will need to consider. We believe that dating or going out is really to determine whether this is someone you might marry. (The next article in the series will look at this in more detail). For this reason, a major consideration must be whether you are old enough to consider marriage (if you’re younger than 18 you’re unlikely to be in a position to marry for quite some years and so it is much better to just focus on having good friends at this stage) and whether or not this person is a Christian and is likely to be suitable as a husband or wife.
As teenagers the view of your parents is also important. They are the people who know you best, love you and want the best for you so listening to them is vital[1]. In some cultures parents are the ones who will suggest potential marriage partners although the ultimate decision should lie with the couple themselves. But in all cultures the wisdom of our parents is important when considering if, when and who to date.
Honouring God in dating
As with all areas of life, your main priority as Christians should be to honour God. In thinking about the issues raised in these articles, make this your ambition and you will be blessed by experiencing His goodness.
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.”Psalm 37:3-4
[1] https://lovewiseonline.org/why-does-god-want-us-to-listen-to-our-parents/
