I love hearing how married couples met. Who ‘liked’ who first? What did they do for a first date? Was it love at first sight? So many different stories!
There are a lot of different stories in the Bible too. Rebekah chose to travel miles on a camel to marry a man she had never met! Jacob fell in love with Rachel and worked and waited for years to make her his bride. Ruth asked a man she knew was kind to marry her and look after her.
Different men and women, different circumstances, but all entering into the same one flesh relationship designed and blessed by God. Marriage.
In our culture we have a lot of choice as men and women. As Christians we should be looking to marry someone who is also following Jesus, and that should be our first priority.
But what should we be looking for when it comes to attraction?
Often it’s men who make the first move, and I think that’s good. But what if a very godly man, who is following Jesus with all his heart, is interested in getting to know you as a potential wife…but he is NOTHING like you imagined!
Be encouraged – joyful and strong marriages can happen with this kind of beginning! Attraction can grow even if it’s not there right now. A person’s character is what will matter to you when you’re married to them, 100 times more than what they look like or how exciting they seem. Looks are guaranteed to fade with time, but a person’s character is what you will keep as you grow old together and with God’s help will become more beautiful with time.
When I first met my husband I wasn’t at all attracted to him. I didn’t like the way he dressed and I didn’t like his haircut! He wasn’t my ‘type’ in lots of other ways too.
I was impressed with his dedication to studying the Bible, the way he led our housegroup, how he prayed for and listened to other people. I liked how he befriended people who weren’t cool or popular.
Fast forward 10 years since our first date and these days I’m pretty crazy about him! Attraction has grown. It grew as we got to know each other, but it has grown far more over the years of our marriage. It is still his character and his love for the Lord that means the very most to me.
God doesn’t short-change us when we value what He values. When we seek someone who knows and loves God, and who is growing in godly character above someone who is typically good looking (whatever that looks like!).
God designed sex as an important part of marriage. It is good and normal to want to enjoy it. We are sold the lie, through books, or films (or even just living in our culture) that sex with someone typically good-looking, and perhaps somewhat rebellious, is more exciting and satisfying. It is a lie. As with every other part of marriage, a person’s character is what makes the difference. Sex at its best requires trust, a feeling of safety. It requires communication and practice: it’s a wonderful learned skill. It’s infinitely better with someone who is patient, humble, honouring and faithful. Someone who will figure it out with you over the years.
God doesn’t short-change us when we make His priorities ours.
It’s special when a love story includes a mutual initial attraction, growing into commitment. But it’s also special when attraction grows when you don’t expect it.
They say to ‘follow your heart’ but you can wisely lead your heart, and give attraction a chance to grow.
In marriage there are periods where for some reason the attraction doesn’t feel very ‘there’. And again we can, and we must, lead our hearts.
We must bring all things to God in prayer. Asking Him to align our feelings with His will and remembering that part of the beauty of love stories is that they don’t all look the same!
Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’’
1 Samuel 16:7
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised’’
Proverbs 31:30
