In a society which is obsessed with sex and which often portrays commitment-free sex outside of marriage as exciting, many people come to believe that having sex with the same person for years on end is boring and unsatisfying. As Christians we know that God intends sexual intimacy only to be within the context of marriage – a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman. Maybe you are tempted to think that God is being a bit like a parent who won’t let you eat sweets all day but makes you eat a healthy dinner – it might be good for you but it’s just a bit boring!
There is, however, evidence that far from sex in marriage being boring it is actually more enjoyable and satisfying and that on average married people have sex more often than those who aren’t married. Sex was designed by God not only to make babies but also to strengthen the relationship between husband and wife. When a couple are sexually intimate a hormone called oxytocin is produced which is associated with emotional bonding. Sex was never designed to be something casual taking place between people who are not committed to each other – so of course it makes sense that sex within a committed relationship would in general be more satisfying.
Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. ‘So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Mark 10v5-9
A 2017 article in The Huffington Post (usually better known for its liberal views) tells people to get married and stay married if they want to have more and better sex and goes on to give some reasons for this:
- Convenience – married people already live together and so have more opportunities
- Cues – the longer people have been married the better they understand each other and are able to communicate the desire to be intimate.
- Emotional intimacy improves the likelihood of satisfying sexual intimacy
- Being married and therefore only having one sexual partner means freedom from the risk of sexually transmitted infections.
- Freedom from anxiety around fear of rejection – a married couple have made the promises to love each other forever, whatever happens and so do not need to fear rejection
Interestingly a 2022 study in the UK looked at whether being religious resulted in greater sexual satisfaction and found that in general it did and the conclusion was that this was likely to be because religious people generally have less casual sex and more sex within dedicated loving relationships – i.e. marriage!
There is one more extremely important thing that we need to know about sex – the most important thing is not our own satisfaction but that of our husband or wife! Sex is not about me and my satisfaction (although that is what we are very often told)!
We shouldn’t be surprised that following God’s good ways are good for us but we often need to be reminded of this when the world so often tries to tell us the opposite.
